Strikes the bell for 5 o'clock, Uncle Arthur closes shop  
Screws the tops on all the bottles, turns the lights out, locks it up  
Climbs across his bike and he's away  
Cycles past the gasworks, past the river, down the high street  
Back to mother, it's another empty day  
 
[CHORUS] 
Uncle Arthur likes his mommy  
Uncle Arthur still reads comics  
Uncle Arthur follows Batman  
 
Round and round the rumours fly, how he ran away from Mum  
On his 32nd birthday, told her that he'd found a chum Mother cried and raved and yelled and fussed  
Arthur left her no illusion, brought the girl round, save confusion  
Sally was the real thing, not just lust  
 
[CHORUS] 
Uncle Arthur vanished quickly  
Uncle Arthur and his new bride  
Uncle Arthur follows Sally  
Round and round goes Arthur's head, hasn't eaten well for days 
Little Sally may be lovely, but cooking leaves her in a maze  
 
Uncle Arthur packed his bags and fled  
Back to mother, all's forgiven, serving in the family shop  
 
He gets his pocket money, he's well fed  
Uncle Arthur past the gasworks  
Uncle Arthur past the river  
Uncle Arthur down the high street  
Uncle Arthur follows mother