Dear Abby,  
 
Got a problem. I'm a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner. It's 
important that my family eat meat at least three times a week. But we just can't 
afford to with the prices the way they are. So I bring home some choice cuts from my 
autopsy subjects. Just mix in the Tuna Helper:and ta-da!  
 
The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious. They ask me what's 
my secret. Abby, I think they're getting suspicious. My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps 
asking, "Where's all the meat? The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge."  
 
If they find out the truth I don't think they'll understand. Abby, what do I tell 
my family?  
DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the body's 
blessed and everything should be just fine.