Have you heard about the latest craze 
That's sweepin' across the nation 
All the punks from coast to coast 
Have discovered an old invention:  
 
"Your hair's too long  
Man, you're a queer  
You're too new wave  
Put down that beer:"  
and  
Do the Slag-Look at 'em run  
Do the Slag-Hey you scum  
Do the Slag-Ain't it fun  
Do the Slag-Let's all be dumb  
Badmouth people we don't know 
Make sure it's behind their backs 
Don't let new people in our scene 
It's more fun than having a friend  
We'll slag everyone each and every night 
So we can pretend that we're all right 
Make those pricks feel just so small 
We'll show the world that we're three feet tall  
 
Slander their integrity 
Doubt their humanity 
Talk about their haircuts 
Are their politics correct?  
 
Do the Slag!  
Don't let those sissies on the floor 
They're unhip, man, they bought the wrong clothes 
Let's all do the latest craze 
'Cause having allies never pays  
We'll slag everyone each and every night 
So we can pretend that we're all right 
Make those pricks feel just so small 
We'll show the world that we're three feet tall