Happy hour belongs to America's best-loved thugs 
Here comes the 4-wheel prosthetic penises 
Got yer gun racks, tractor tires and lynch mob drivers 
We couldn't find a chick to sit in the middle 
So we drink ourselves sick 
Lean out the windows and pinch ass instead  
 
We are the Goons of Hazzard  
Glorified on your TV  
We run down bikes and hitch hikers  
And we know we'll get off scot-free  
We're the vigilante heroes of your tough-guy flicks 
Bashing punks & bums and fags 
With our baseball bats 
No deer to blow away in the woods today 
So we go to Oroville and shoot a black kid down 
Or waste demonstrators in Greensboro instead  
We are the Goons of Hazzard  
Glorified on your TV  
We leave you in a pool of blood  
Cos we know we'll get off scot-free  
Let's get him:  
C'mere 
C'mere 
Say something to me?  
 
We've got him cornered 
We've got him cornered 
Is anybody looking? 
Does anybody even care? 
No!  
 
Local papers paint us up to be big heroes 
City fathers & Chamber of Commerce want us deputized 
The stoner gestapo keepin' your town clean 
Get a shave, kid 
We'll pay you as a strike-breaker 
Maybe you'll make Tac Squad for the L.A.P.D.  
 
We are the Goons of Hazzard  
Glorified on your TV  
We leave you in a pool of blood  
And we always get off scot-free