Yell help, too many cooks and a bird in the bush, yell help 
Yell help, if your mirror busts and your cat gets cussed, yell help 
'Cause down the road you find someone else who's looking 
Down the road you find another sweet lady cooking 
So I gotta yell help 
 
Yell help, some shelter from the storm like the travel agent warned 
Yell help, if you can help your superstitions they gonna keep you warm 
'Cause down the road you find someone else who's looking 
Down the road you seen another sweet lady cooking 
So I gotta yell help 
 
I wish tonight wasn't Wednesday night 
I wish it wasn't the thirteenth of July, yell help 
And you're looking at the guy whose eyes can't deny 
That he wishes he were somewhere else tonight 
 
Well I met this woman down in New Orleans 
Lord she built just like a dream 
Even wore stockings that had seams 
And she was ugly 
 
Now hell I don't mind women of her kind 
I'll even pay sometimes for a woman that's ugly 
 
She built like a steamroller 
Just the kind to mow you over anytime 
Hey the moment might arrive 
 
On bourbon street 
Well the ugliest woman you'll ever meet 
But she's mine all mine and she's ugly 
So I better yell help