Call me a god and I'll tip the undertaker 
That fool couldn't tell a real still from a faker 
Well I ain't no fool, but I play one on TV 
Cause misery loves company 
That's why everyone loves me 
 
Now, buy me a drink and I'll tell you all a story 
About a bastard who traded in treasure for glory 
There treasure was true love, the bastard he was me 
Cause misery loves company 
That's why everyone loves me 
 
Well, I've been a rich man 
I've been a poor man 
Inside a Saturday night 
I've done the works 
And there's one thing I know 
You can't win if it ain't a fair fight 
 
I ain't seen the pastor since Sunday bloody morning 
All the girls in the choir are in labor or mourning 
Take one look in my eyes, I think you'll all agree 
Cause misery loves company 
And that's why everyone loves me 
 
I've done every shit job 
Handed out nose jobs 
Made a few friends in the tombs 
But I've found that in most cases 
Fixing the the rat race 
Is better than pushing a broom 
 
Now, who shall I marry the junky or the jailer? 
Your choices are few when you know you're a failure 
But there's one thing that everyone in the bar agrees 
That misery loves company 
And that's why everyone loves me