Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean 
All you can give is a spin in your washing machine 
I fly off to Rome to my prima bella 
She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella 
Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain [repeated] 
 
I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell 
But the pearls in her oyster were tacky as hell 
For Lady Godiva I came incognito 
But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto 
Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain [repeated] 
 
I don't know why they leave me in the lurch 
To carry on the search 
It's driving me up the wall 
Pity when I have so much passion 
Romance is out of fashion 
Can't handle modern love at all 
 
So I worship Diana by the light of the moon 
When I pull out my pipe she screams out of tune 
In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa 
She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer 
Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain [repeat till fade]