Written by Kevin Bacon  
  
"We want this to become the 'You're So Vain' of the millennium." KB  
  
There's a line around the block, and it stretches a mile  
They're gonna pay good money to see your dazzlin' smile  
You got a come-hither look in your babydoll eyes  
And you got the kind of body make a man tell lies  
And when you're standing next to me, you do the little things you do  
  
I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married  
I'm so glad I'm not married, to you  
  
You're the center of attention everywhere you go  
Sittin' on the boys' laps puttin' on a show  
You get your clothes and your shoes and your drugs for free  
And God knows you've got a lot more money than me  
When you're bendin' over just to give us all a better view  
  
I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married  
I'm so glad I'm not married, to you  
  
You introduce me to your guy and you say your love is true  
Well he's a better man than I, 'cause he's got to live with you  
In the movie of your life, he is just an extra in it  
But baby, if you were my wife  
To have and hold, the truth be told  
I couldn't take it for a New York minute  
  
Now you're crying 'cause the paper printed something rude  
You say you never, ever, ever, ever touched that dude  
Well, it's the National Enquirer it can't be true  
But I'm not so sure they got it wrong about you  
You're feeling kind of tragic and your eyes get misty-blue (boo-hoo!)  
  
I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married  
I'm so glad I'm not married, to you