Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys 
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys 
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death 
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath 
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo 
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo 
And he smiled and said, with a twinkle in his eye, 
'Merry Christmas to all, now you're all gonna die!' 

The night Santa went crazy 
The night St. Nick went insane 
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal 
Something finally must have snapped in his brain 

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it 
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet 
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage 
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage 
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger 
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger 
And he picked up a flamethrower and barbecued Blitzen 
And he took a big bite and said, 'It tastes just like chicken!' 

The night Santa went crazy 
The night Kris Kringle went nuts 
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole 
Without steppin' in reindeer guts 

There's the National Guard and the F. B. I. 
There's a van from the Eyewitness News 
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky 
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin' 
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why? 
My my my my my my 
You used to be such a jolly guy 

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time 
In a federal prison for his infamous crime 
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears 
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years 
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous 
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service 
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night 
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights 

They're talkin 'bout the night Santa went crazy 
The night St. Nicholas flipped 
Broke his back for some milk and cookies 
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped 

Wo, the night Santa went crazy 
The night St. Nick went insane 
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal 
Something finally must have snapped in his brain 
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain 
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain