All: 
A gentleman's got a walking stick.
A seaman's got a gaff.
And the merry men of Robin Hood
They used a quarterstaff.
On the Spanish plains inside their canes
They hide their ruddy swords.
But we make do with an old bam-boo
And everyone applauds!
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - Hey!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.

Chorus: 
When punting on the beautiful Thames

Caractacus: 
You use a sturdy pole.

Chorus:
To protect their fair complexion

Caractacus: 
Ladies use a parasol.

Chorus: 
It's useful in the underbrush

Caractacus: 
To have a hefty spear. 

Chorus: 
Right!

All: 
But what we do with an old bam-boo
Makes everybody cheer!
1 - 2 - 3 - HO!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo
'Ere we go, mate . . .

Caractacus: 
A flyer in an air-e-o-plane

Chorus: 
He steers it with a stick 

Caractacus: 
He does?

Caractacus: 
A collier in the pits o' Wales

Chorus: 
He leans upon his pick 

Caractacus: 
That's right!

All: 
Now every wheel of an automobile
Revolves around a shaft (HEY!)
But what we do with an old bam-boo
Makes every one go daft.
And 1 - 2
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
(Dance break)
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - HEY!
And a 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - and a 5 and a 6 and a 7 HO!
Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.
You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo!

[Thanks to selina_moses@hotmail.com for lyrics]